After Mission Plans memories and pain
by kuroneko luna
Summary: what thoughts run through as we sit here side by side...


After Mission Plans (memories & pain)

After Mission Plans (memories & pain)  


* note : The point of view shifts from one character to the other. Gomen, but this IS my first fic and I'm not really good at writing fanfics. I hope you'll like it! Standard disclaimers apply! ^.^

* a fic by Luna. (started 9.22.99 finished 1.2.00). Comments wanted!

~*~*~

I wonder how many minutes more till my official 'wake-up' time...

RRRRRRIIIIINNGG!!!

I reached out to stop the ringing. Damn! Its acting up again! Suffocating me and threatening to burst out of me through tears. I struggle to keep it at bay. Not now...

Someone knocks on my door.

"Duo-kun, Heero-kun's got the main info on our next mission. He's trying to get into the OZ's main data banks now. And he's asked all of us to get down there for the briefing."

Ah, Quatre. He is as old as I but his ways are that of a child. He doesn't mind going through the trouble of reminding me my duties every time.

I tell him I'll be right there in a couple of minutes and he leaves.

So, Heero has got everything under control, _as usual_. Hell, he _is_ supposed to be the smartest and the 'toughest'... Yeah, he is the toughest, even his _heart_ is tough!... How many times have I tried to make him smile? To discover his 'soft spot'?... I smile sadly, remembering all the times I've been with him and the millions of times I've tried to get a any kind of response from him...

Hn! K'so! The pain suddenly jolts upwards. I force it back into the deepest corners of my being. I know I can handle this pain, but not now. I just can't afford to fuss myself with it now. Not while I have a mission to attend to... Not when I have to face Heero...

Duo Maxwell, the ever-cheerful Gundam pilot, ironically the 'God of Death'. That is how they know me and that is how it should be.

I get out of bed and take a deep breath. Strangely, I find myself grinning.

"It's gonna be a tough day today..."

* * *

Even on a mission he still gets up late. Then again, I can't really blame him. He was up late last night fixing the hyper jammer... But no one could really mistake him for Shinigami's pilot. He acts more like a normal person than a bringer of death... Trowa-kun would be more fitting to the silence 'Death' brings... Strange that he works as a circus clown with that kind of attitude... But then, sometimes it seems as though those darkgreen pools of his soften... Then perhaps he does care...

I find myself smiling at the direction my thoughts were taking. Smiling at the irony of it all. Cheerful 'Death' and the perfect candidate playing the clown. But the 'clown' had a very interesting effect on me...

My train of thought is abruptly cut when a certain deep voice calls my name. Quickly, I turn to face the owner of the voice and come face to face with one darkgreen orb, the other hidden under long brown bangs. I almost jump at the sight of him, suddenly there without warning. He looks at me quizzically. Did I actually say those things about him aloud?

"T-Trowa-kun! O-ohayo! How long have you been there?" I chewed the last words out very slowly.

"Just now."

Aa, always the staight-to-the-point reply ne, Trowa-kun? But the unspoken question in his eyes is still there. 'Why were you startled?'

"Ano...um... have you read the latest report on the target?" Nice work Quatre! and I start congratulating myself. Quite lame though, but still nice shift!

"Aa. Hai. The reports came in just this morning."

"The base is heavily guarded but if Heero-kun can break into the main data banks, the information he would get would be a great help to us." This time I spoke seriously and the question of my being surprised was quickly forgotten. _Whew! That was close! Even though I would really like him to know how I feel... ie. Maybe not now. I'm not even sure if he'd be willing to return the feeling! Trowa... if only... _I shake off the idea. It's not the time for these kinds of thoughts.

I try to concentrate at the mission at hand. I was usually the one who'd plan our operation procedures, so I had to think of a bullet-proof, back-up ready plan that could get us within the OZ territory without being found out. Both of us were silent as we walked towards the computer room of my sister's house.

* * *

Hmm... His concentration is entirely focused on the mission. Perhaps that was the reason why he got startled...

Quatre, why do you always worry about all of us? Taking upon yourself the hardest part of the mission - seeking the best out of every situation and straightening out the worst. Funny, how you don't even seem to mind all the hardships and pain. It's a wonder you don't loose yourself, your heart. You smile for us, encourage us in uncertain times. And that's what makes the misson worthwhile, at least for me... I'll make sure you don't loose that smile... no matter what happens...

I actually smile at the thought. When have I changed my view of him? _Since you met him!_ Yes. That I cannot deny. I was the pilot of a mobile suit like his own and we fought. But he was kind enough to invite me to his house and fix my Gundam with nothing treacherous in mind... But what _is_ with him anyway, that I find him so facinating... so special?... _His expressive eyes, the smile he gives so freely, the way he talks to you..._ But that _is_ how he talks to everyone... _Don't fool yourself! You notice how he looks at you! And how his voice is much softer, more emotional when he speaks to you!_ But... _He LIKES you baka!_

Even with myself I loose the battle. Yes I've noticed how he looks at me. How those aquamarine eyes of his reflect his heart's deepest feelings... Ie! I must be dreaming. How can someone like him have feelings for me? But I _want_ to believe! I just want to believe that he'd return the feelings I have for him. _But he won't know how you feel if you don't tell him._ Hai. I know. But I can't tell him now. I'd just be bothering him. _After the mission then?_ Perhaps...

* * *

Ninmu ryoukai.

I start to erase all connections to the OZ data banks. The last bits of information were just what we needed - blue prints of the entire base, main computer rooms, even the schedule of shifting of guards. All I have to do now is wait untill the others come in and we can proceed with the planning.

I wonder what's taking them so long... It's been at least 20 minutes since I asked Quatre to get everyone here. Hn. maybe he's having a hard time getting Duo here. For a pilot, he doesn't have a sense of punctuality. I don't even think he knows what the word means! Duo... that baka! Why doesn't he even think that his tarrying will affect the mission? _Why are you so concerned anyway?_ What?! _You heard me._ He's a part of the team. Without him, we would have a hard time accomplishing the mission... _Technically._ What do you mean 'technically'?! _I mean that's only one of the reasons._ What 'reasons'? _Oh, stop the lame acting already! You know why you're so concerned about him! He's not just a teammate to you, he's someone you lo-_ Shut up!!!

I hate it when I'm right. Duo _does_ mean more to me than just a teammate, more than just a friend. _But does he know?_ Of course not! _So why not tell him?_ What am I, crazy?! _Well aren't you already?_ The voice teases me again. Strangely, that 'voice' sounds like Duo... Yeah, maybe I am. But not enough to tell him about that. Heero 'The Perfect Soldier' Yuy having emotional problems... Funny, really. How he changed me. How his cheerfulness and smiles could get to me. I was supposed to be the 'Perfect' killing machine, - merciless, unforgiving, ruthless, - and it took just one cheerful, grinning, idiot like HIM to make me forget my training, my purpose...

"Hey! Yuy! Where are the plans?" A certain Chinese boy asked.

"Ano... On the table." He looks at me questioningly but proceeds to the table nontheless.

"Hmm... Tough target. So, how're we going to get in?"

"They'll be recruiting tomorrow. At least two can get in unnoticed. But we'd better wait for the others."

"Aa." Was the only reply I got. Wufei continued to read the reports. Honestly, I think he's the lukyiest among us. His feelings are only for his Nataku. His 'obsession' with his Gundam is quite strange. It is as though he treats his Gundam like a live person. Sometimes I fancy Nataku _is_ a real person. Perhaps from his past? But like the rest of us, he doesn't talk much about his past...

* * *

This is going to be one hard mission. Guards on all entrances, special I.D.'s, Lots of hidden cameras... Even Heero had a hard time cracking the codes! I wonder what got into that scientist's - whatshisname - brain to think of an impossible mission. Then again, this is what we were trained for. It would shock anyone who'd find out what we do for a living - ie, to live.

Live... ah, the only thing I'd wish for if I had the chance. A life not for me, but for _her_. I am here now because of her. But I don't regret it, since I am doing this for her... Nataku... She was the most courageous person I've ever known. Hardheaded at times, but still, she was brave. She would choose death - no, she _chose_ death just to prove her point, to uphold the justice she believed in. Justice... this is the same reason I use when I fight. But my justice isn't only for the people in the Colonies nor the people on Earth. My justice is also for her. Somehow, I feel _unworthy_ of her. She had no fear, she wouldn't even think twice even if given the chance to. She wouldn't run, not from anything... Me? I falter at the slightest memory of the past. I fear the pain that comes with those memories. All those I love died before my very eyes and all I could do was watch! _It wasn't your fault, Wufei. You did your best to save them. It wasn't your fault! _A picture of her face flashes before me. Ie! That was the second time it happened! First you then the Colony!... You?... Nani?!... Nataku?... That was... that was her... her voice...

"Oi! Wu man! Hellooo~ Earth to Wufei? You hear me man?!" A peculiar braid-end is waved before my eyes. And I snap back to reality.

"Na-nani?" Was all I could say. Everyone was looking at me as if I did something suspicious.

"Geez! I thought you were in some kinda trance! Hey, did your Gundam Nataku just tell you something? Ya know, like telepathy?" The owner of the braid was grinning like mad and elbowing me in the ribs.

"What the hell are you talking about, Maxwell?! I was thinking about the target that's all!" And I promptly bonk him on the head.

"OW! Hey that hurt! I was just kidding." And he continued to rub the back of his head.

"Okay! So here's what I've managed to think up." Quatre started. "According to the information Heero-kun has gathered..."

And as the young blonde continued his explanation of their mission's s.o.p., each one of them had half of his attention somewhere else...

Maxwell, I don't know _where_ you got a crazy idea like that, but you were right. It was Nataku. For some reason I really want to believe it was her... At least I can believe she doesn't blame me nor hate me for my short commings... maybe until then, Nataku, until then...

Yes, perhaps after this mission, I'll have the courage to tell you everything... Quatre...

"Okay. That's the final plan. Trowa, Wufei, Quatre, the three of you make sure all relays will be clear. Schedule will be strictly followed." All three nod and Quatre took an extra copy of the base's blue prints. Then Heero turned to the braied pilot at his side, "Duo, you come with me. We'll be working from inside." He tossed him the recruitment papers and began walking towards the door.

Perhaps this mission won't be too tough after all... Perhaps I can even make him smile this time... Ninmu ryoukai! That's what I'll do. With that firmly in mind, Duo grinned. "Time to kick some OZ butt!!!"

Heero promptly followed Wufei's example, and bonked his partner.

"OW! What the hell did I do to you!"

"Can't you even take this mission seriously?!"

A grin was the only reply he got. Heero just smirked and turned away. _This is going to be worse than I thought..._

~~~ owari ~~~

Luna-chan : Gomen nasai! I know the ending is a little lame, but....

Duo : Whay the HELL did you let that Justice freak hit me!

Wufei : I am NOT a freak! And it wasn't my fault anyway!

Luna-chan : Yeah, he is not a freak. Just loyal!

Wufei : (Wufei pats chibi Luna-chan on the head. Chibi Luna-chan purrs encourigingly.)

Duo : Well, I still got bonked! Twice!

chibi Luna-chan : (covering head with hands) Waaaaaaaaah! I told you I wasn't good at this! I promise I'll do better next time!

Duo : (Grinning like mad and making his knuckles crack.) If there is a next time.

chibi Luna-chan : (runs to Heero and hides behind him.)

Duo : Oi! No fair! You come out from behind my koibito!

Heero : (bonks Duo again) Don't call me 'koibito'.

Duo : OW! Hey!

chibi Luna-chan : beeeeda!

Duo : Grrr. Come back here you little- Come back here!

chibi Luna-chan : 'Till then! Ja!


End file.
